Hello Friends

Over a year ago I wrote out a beginning post for this blog that I had finally decided to start. I thought I had lost what I wrote, and I was so bummed that I just didn't write a new one.  But somehow it was saved and hidden from view until today, when I considered yet again to write a new post and I stumbled across my original one! So curious. Chalk it up to God's mysterious purposes

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So I have been wanting to start a blog for a while now. There are just so many great ones out there that I feel a little intimidated. I'm not particularly witty, nor especially crafty, and no more brilliant than the average person. But I am inspired by what others have taken the time to share and feel I would like to attempt to give a little of that back and strive to inspire others.

I am a new wife (just over a year now!) and I'm realizing I still have a lot to learn about taking care of a home, my husband, and myself. So I thought an outlet, a sounding board, an honest account of my struggles and progress would be helpful to me, and just maybe, to someone else.

I've always loved Proverbs 31 and aspired to be the woman described. I am no where close to tell the truth. There are a few women in my life who I would describe as Proverbs 31 women, and they are unique in their expression of the values, decisions, and values the author extols.

I will share this for those of you who are not familiar with this passage:

Proverbs 31:10-31

Epilogue: The Wife of Noble Character

 ^{10 [b]}A wife of noble character who can find?
   She is worth far more than rubies.
¹¹ Her husband has full confidence in her
   and lacks nothing of value.
¹² She brings him good, not harm,
   all the days of her life.
¹³ She selects wool and flax
   and works with eager hands.
¹⁴ She is like the merchant ships,
   bringing her food from afar.
¹⁵ She gets up while it is still night;
   she provides food for her family
   and portions for her female servants.
¹⁶ She considers a field and buys it;
   out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
¹⁷ She sets about her work vigorously;
   her arms are strong for her tasks.
¹⁸ She sees that her trading is profitable,
   and her lamp does not go out at night.
¹⁹ In her hand she holds the distaff
   and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
²⁰ She opens her arms to the poor
   and extends her hands to the needy.
²¹ When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
   for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
²² She makes coverings for her bed;
   she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
²³ Her husband is respected at the city gate,
   where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
²⁴ She makes linen garments and sells them,
   and supplies the merchants with sashes.
²⁵ She is clothed with strength and dignity;
   she can laugh at the days to come.
²⁶ She speaks with wisdom,
   and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
²⁷ She watches over the affairs of her household
   and does not eat the bread of idleness.
²⁸ Her children arise and call her blessed;
   her husband also, and he praises her:
²⁹ “Many women do noble things,
   but you surpass them all.”
³⁰ Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
   but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
³¹ Honor her for all that her hands have done,
   and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

(NIV from http://biblegateway.com/)

This woman is always busy and productive, never idle. She is wise, creative, frugal and efficient with her finances, finds ways to supplement the household income, her conduct is confident and honorable, she has fun and is not worried about the future, she loves her family and they love her, and she cares for those outside of her home as well.

I don't know about you but that is a little overwhelming for me. At the same time it is beautiful and I one day hope that God will have shaped me to uniquely resemble a wife of noble character.

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I fear I have regressed rather than progressed in the time since I wrote the above. So much has changed circumstantially; then I was a couple quarters into nursing school and working as a nursing assistant. Now I have graduated from nursing school and passed my boards. I have a job interview next week for a job at the same nursing home I worked at as an aide. I have traveled to Italy. And my husband and I have now been married over two and half years and we just found out we are expecting our first child in January(!). I have been in a strange transitional period for the last couple months but a different season is coming upon us. The previous season has not been pretty. I have been wallowing in self-pity and discontent. It has resulted in a sinful version of me that is essentially the opposite of the woman described above. I find I am more often than not lacking in grace, patience, self-control, thankfulness, and contentment. It's sobering to realize I have been saying, no God, this is not good enough. I want to stop being rebellious and become obedient. I have been struggling with why that seems so hard, how do I do this? I know the answer, the other thing I have been rebelling against: prayer. I haven't sorted out the specifics whys, but I have not been praying. I have not wanted to pray. But I know that is at the root of my heart issues. I have been reading One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp off and on for several months (her writing is beautiful and convicting, highly recommend it). And as she puts it, "I have been living the no...infected by the Eden mouthful". And I want to be content where I am, at all times, and furthermore, be thankful. I want to have the joy.

So I will be striving for this to be my focus, to be conscious of looking for things and opportunities to be faithful. To fight against the fear of failure if I get the job. Against the selfishness of not wanting to work. Against laziness and my lack of self-discipline. Against wishing my husband would communicate the way I want him to. Against all these lies of the enemy. Instead be thankful for the loving husband God has gifted me with, the child forming inside me, my furry orange tabby who snuggles up with me when I'm resting, a mind that is capable to learn, a heart that Jesus can change, sun that brightens the day and warms the air, friends who share truth and wisdom and laughter. These are the big things but there are small things, the everyday things too: time to read, a kind word, morning snuggles in a cozy bed, fresh air, creative inspiration, a favorite song, something desired on sale, tiramisu, a kiss on the cheek, peppermint tea, checking off a list, new experiences, lace trim, traditions, painted toes, blooming iris, cinnamon-scented candles, anticipation of special events, toddler hugs. I know if I keep at this, I will start to notice the subtle things to be grateful for, and eventually, even the "bad" things. Hopefully this will be a place to share that will help keep me accountable and moving forward. It's time for me to grow up and graduate from milk to solid food.

Blessings
Amber